One of the hardest parts is not the logistics. It is the isolation. Caregiving has a way of quietly shrinking your world, if you are not careful. It is time-consuming, emotionally heavy, and often invisible to the people around you. Finding your “tribe” does not mean assembling a perfect support system. It means finding a few people who can sit with you in the complexity of it all, without trying to fix it or rush you through it.
I’ve been there. I spent my entire thirties learning to be a mom, a professional, and a caregiver. There are few things in life as disruptive as becoming a parent and losing a parent. In both instances, you become a new version of yourself. You are forced to grow, mature, and change, because the person who existed before, no longer has the same time, the same foundation, and the same mindset. I experienced both changes over the course of three years. I had two little kids and my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, all around the time I was 30! I missed my friends and the “simplicity” of parenting and working.
Connection is Key: How to Find (and Keep) Your Tribe as a Caregiver
Here are six ways to start connecting with your tribe as a caregiver, in ways that can actually fit into your reality.
1. Say what is happening, simply and honestly
Many of us are used to being the capable ones; the ones who handle things. The problem is that capability can turn into silence, before you even realize it. Sometimes, the first step toward connection is just saying, out loud, “I am caregiving right now,” or “Things are heavy at home.” My favorite one that I turned to time and time again was “This week has been a lot…”
You do not need to overexplain or make it dramatic. One honest sentence is enough. The people who are meant to be part of your life will not need a polished version of your story. Often, that honesty opens the door for someone else to say, “I have been there,” or “I am dealing with something similar,” or “I was wondering how you were really doing.”
2. Build connection into the margins of your life
Most caregivers are not short on desire for connection. We are short on time. Waiting for a wide-open schedule to nurture relationships usually means waiting forever. Instead, think smaller. Connection can look like a quick voice memo while you sit in the car, a text sent from a waiting room, or a short check-in while someone else is on speakerphone and you are folding laundry. Zoom multitasking became a lifeline for me. It might be a meme sent late at night when the house is finally quiet. These small moments add up. They keep relationships alive without requiring more time than you actually have.
3. Be clear about what would actually help
People often want to support caregivers, but have no idea how. When you say, “I am overwhelmed,” they may respond with sympathy, but not action. When you say, “Can you pick up groceries this week?” or “Can you check in after the appointment on Tuesday,” you give them something concrete to hold onto.
Specific asks, do not make you demanding. They make it easier for people to show up. Small, practical requests often lead to real relief, and they help the right people step more fully into your life.
4. Look for caregiver community where you already are
You do not have to rebuild your entire social world. Start by noticing who is already around you. Colleagues, neighbors, other parents, extended family, or friends you have lost touch with may be more open than you think. From there, caregiver-specific spaces can help fill in the gaps. Online groups, local support meetings, disease-focused organizations, and even social media creators who speak honestly about caregiving, can make a difference. You do not have to jump in headfirst. Sometimes commenting once or sending a simple message, like “This really resonated with me,” is enough to spark a meaningful connection.
5. Pay attention to what feels authentic
Not everyone needs to know everything. Some people are kind, but uncomfortable with complexity. Others mean well, but rush to advice when you just want understanding. Over time, you start to notice who listens without judgment, who believes you without questioning, and who checks back in rather than disappearing. Those are the people worth investing in. Caregiving already asks you to be careful with your energy. Your relationships should offer some steadiness in return.
6. Let connection include levity!
Caregiving can make it feel wrong to enjoy yourself, as if joy needs justification. But connection does not have to revolve around what is hard all the time. Sometimes, your tribe is the friend who sends jokes, the person who watches a mindless show with you, or the group chat that exists mostly for distraction. These moments are not selfish or frivolous. They help you remember that you are still a person with interests, humor, and a life beyond your responsibility.
If you are a caregiver reading this and thinking you do not know where to start, start small: one honest sentence, one message sent, one person you trust a little more than the others. You do not need a fully formed village. You just need a few points of connection that remind you that you are not doing this alone. Your people are out there. Some of them are simply waiting for you to say what you are carrying, so they can sit beside you and say, “I get it.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Rachael Piltch-Loeb is a public health professor and a millennial. She is based in New York City where she lives with her husband Shahnawaz and their three
children. She is the author of The Millennial Caregiver: Caring for Loved Ones in the Busiest Years of Your Life.
Read the article here.