In 2008, Broden was diagnosed with profound autism and started receiving ABA services in Kansas when Mark was stationed at Fort Leavenworth. He was just two years old. Each day, I would drop him off at the clinic, I would drive to Bally’s gym that was close by, then I would drive to Panera Bread. I would usually grab a booth and sit there until it was time to pick him up. Those were the good days. The bad days were when I felt so defeated that I would crawl into the back of my Sequoia and lay down. Sometimes, life was so heavy I didn’t want to get out of my car after dropping Broden off at clinic. On the good days, I started to journal. I would sit in a booth and write down everything I was feeling. Sometimes, it was a timeline of events from when Broden was born to the diagnosis. The journal I kept in my bag became my friend. The group of friends that I had made at Fort Leavenworth still had each other and were still living their lives. They were still part of the running group that I was a part of before Broden’s diagnosis. The life I had known before autism was gone. My running group was training for a marathon, the marathon I should have been training for alongside them. Instead, I was driving downtown to spend the day in Lenexa, KS for Broden. Ironically, the marathon that I was supposed to train for was on the exact day of the first autism walk I participated in.
My journal became my friend. I would write as if I was talking to a friend across from me in the booth at Panera Bread. Once my journal would fill up, I’d throw it in the bookcase and start a new one. One day, I got something in the mail. It was EP Magazine. My mom had sent it to me from Fort Wainwright, AK, where she worked. “Shelly, check this out. There is an article in here about a Marine family, who has a daughter with autism.” I read the article and looked through the magazine. It was the first time I had seen a publication that focused on families and disabilities, and most of all, including a space for military families to share their stories.
When I was done with the article, my husband asked, “Well, how was it?” I told him that I loved the article, but it was different. “We have a different experience with Broden.” Mark turned around and said, “Then tell them our story.” Of course, I thought he was crazy, “Why would they want to publish our story?” He gave me the pep talk saying that the worse thing they could say is no and not publish it. At the end of 2008, with the help of Mark, I submitted an article about our family. I remember the editor at the time called me, “Shelly, we’re going to publish your article. Do you have any more stories to tell? Do you have anything else you want to write about?” I was surprised, because I didn’t think I was a very good writer. I called my parents to talk about the discussion I had with the editor. My parents said, “You write like you’re talking to a friend. Keep trying and maybe someone will get something out of your stories.” This began my writing journey with EP Magazine, and my parents became my editors.
In the beginning, I wrote articles, then blogs, and then finally I had a column in the military section.
EP Magazine has been a place where I had a voice. Whether it was to discuss my displeasure of the insurance company mishandling ABA therapy, or my appreciation of the kind bagger at the grocery store who helped with getting Broden to the car in the rain, EP Magazine published it. I got to share the story of the kind man who ran the Fort Benning theater. He came into work on his day off to open the theater up for Broden, so he could sit and scream while watching The Minions.
I don’t know of any other publication that would have given a military spouse the latitude that I was given to share my experiences. Some were rawer than others, but that is what makes the magazine so special. Life is full of experiences, some good and some bad, all worthy of being shared.
Broden is now 19 years old. His brother, Hayden has been off to college for four years, with hopes of soon graduating with a degree in mechanical engineering. Mark has now retired after serving almost 30 years of service. Our family has endured four tours to Iraq and Afghanistan, multiple moves, changes to ABA services, dentists, and primary care doctors. We’ve transitioned to different neighborhoods, some more welcoming than others, while raising a child with profound autism. We have found our resting place. It seems only fitting that my time as a columnist ends. I will miss the phone calls with my parents telling me, “It looks like you got yourself a column,” after sharing a crazy story that happened that day. Perhaps I’ll keep a journal again, go up to my desk that looks out over our neighborhood pond, and write about it. Thank you, EP Magazine for sharing my stories. I hope they were a friend to someone who needed one. This column was therapeutic for me, and I’m grateful that EP Magazine allowed me to write what I was feeling.
ABOUT OUR JOURNEY IN CAMO:
Shelly and her husband, a recently retired Army veteran, now live in Columbia, South Carolina. She has enjoyed sharing her experiences of her day-to-day life caring for her son with autism. Shelly authored Giving a Voice to the Silent Many, that encompasses many stories of raising a child with autism in the military. She also teaches Public Communication at the University of South Carolina and has contributed to EP Magazine for over 17 years.
Read the article here.